I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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