It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
