I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
