Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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