I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
