my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
