4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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