At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
