Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Of course I have a pirate flag
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
