you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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