Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
