so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
