Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
