When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
