My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
