That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
