I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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