I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
