how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
