i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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