Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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