I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
