I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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