They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
