What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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