so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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