Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
