Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
