So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
