I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
