So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
