i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
