The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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