Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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