You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
