do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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