Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
