now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
