This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
