I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
