Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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