fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am one with the molecules
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
