He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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