she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
