True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
