just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
