The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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