forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
