I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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