we're blogging at a bar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
