It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
