i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
